ENGLISHMAN CROWDFUNDS TORTOISE’S SWOLLEN PENIS SURGERY
(Bristol) Cedric is in agony. Cedric is tortoise with a prolapse penis. A tortoise’s penis resembles a monstrous floral suction cup, similar in appearance to infamous Doctor Who antagonists The Daleks’ plunger proboscises. Tortoises are in essence a shell filled with organs, four legs, tail, head, and in males a giant purple suctioncup-like penis: all usually retractable.
Sensitive and inconvenienced wildlife lover Miles Jelfs adopted Cedric from a friend, only to learn a week later, that the creature’s cloaca had distended. Cedric’s options are straightforward enough: either tuck his member back inside the shell or amputate. Empathetic yet impecunious, Jelfs is crowd-funding the $250 operation. “I thought I was doing a favor by taking Cedric in from a friend who wasn’t really able to look after him. But when I checked him over I saw that something wasn’t right in …that area.”
Oddly, at 27 years Cedric the tortoise is Jelf’s first pet. “It will be causing him a lot of pain and you can tell when he walks that it is not very comfortable for him, poor little guy. He could be looking at another 90 plus years of life,” but not with a monstrously distended penis.
Cloacal Organ Prolapse occurs regularly among tortoises whose libido exceeds their material construction. Due to tortoises’ surprising randiness, its organ’s excessive engorgement prevents retraction into the shell, which causes pain and potential fatality, due to consequential impaired ambulation.
Help fund Cedric’s penis retraction surgery at GoFundMe